[dropcap size=big]H[/dropcap]uniePop is a pretty unique mashup between your typical matching puzzler and dating sim concepts. As far as most players are concerned it succeeds quite well at meshing both together with a good dose of humor and sexiness. While playing I couldn’t help think about how things would be different if HuniePop were an accurate representation of reality. We’d be living in an immensely creepy world! Sure, there would be gorgeous women hanging around everywhere which would be great for people who adore gorgeous women, but just think of the other implications…
Talking to women would no longer be a simple act that anyone could carry out at any time. Instead, you would need to literally keep them from starving after chatting for a minute. Without food, these HuniePop characters simply clam up with nothing on their mind other than a meal. Constantly buying food for others so they’ll simply talk to you seems outrageous, but of course within a video game the mechanic is at least a little sensible. If real life were this way people would need to practically bring vending machines with them everywhere they went to satisfy the cravings of their conversational partners!
But of course an obsessive need to feed is just the start of this game’s wacky abstraction of reality. Perhaps the creepiest aspect is that of your HunieBee phone. It is granted to you specifically by Kyu, the love fairy helping you along the way. It includes an app called Girl Finder which tells you the location they’re in at any time (unless they’ve left town). Now, there are apps like this out there, although many require two-way acceptance. Those that don’t are creepy in a very real sense, but HunieBee takes it a step further. The app someone lets you know when women are sleeping and in general can warp you right to ‘em. That’s fine, like, what else could these characters possibly want to be doing other than spend their time talking with you? Nothing! Because apparently all they ever do is stand around until you come knocking. That, or they take magical hands-free selfies and send them your way.
Your phone is actually the vehicle for tons of weirdness in game. Among other things the protagonist routinely saves all information about someone after talking to them. What is their favorite place to go, their favorite drink, and job? You’ll know all this forever as it gets stored in the phone’s memory card. Usually people are able to remember at least a few things about other human beings, but in this world I suppose it’s too hard to keep all these ladies’ tastes in mind. Befitting the protagonist’s loveless, confused nature they also force you to ask some questions that almost nobody would bring up immediately.
Have you ever tried walking up to someone and, after introductions, asking for their bra’s cup size? I should hope not! But for whatever reason in HuniePop this is expected of you. Above everything else this seems like such an awkward contrivance since it’s not as if it is too hard to tell. Even if it is, there is little reason to ask unless you’re planning on buying someone a new bra. And then you might as well ask more than just the cup size to get a bra which actually fits them! Ah well, in dating sim-ville it seems knowing cup sizes somehow amounts to knowing someone better.
Finally, the real coup de grâce is how anyone will fall for you as long as you’ve got match-3 skills. Somehow, these colorful orbs increase their affection, pleasure, and more when with you. If things were that easy in real life it would be freakish, because then would women even be actual people – or would we be in some sort of Stepford Wives world? Of course, that’s putting far too much stock into HuniePop specifically since dating sims (and even other genres) gamify human relationships as very simple stat-raising affairs.
Obviously, HuniePop isn’t going for realism. It knows what it wants to present and goes all in with that mindset. Let’s just be glad that reality is a bit more multifaceted. If you don’t know what HuniePop is all about but are now intrigued then feel free to check out our review!