Adolph Christ Totally isn’t Promoting Anything or Trying to Offend

It looks like we’re about to have a new entry in our list of suspended Kickstarters. All the hallmarks are there.

Adolph Christ, despite what the name suggests, is definitely not trying to offend you or make money based solely off its name. Instead, it’s trying to sell a book of the same name.

Developer Larry Day decided he was going to “show [us] the amount of dedication I have to this game” by writing a book based on his idea. What is that idea? It’s about Adolf of Nassau and how he became known as the “King of the Romans” during his life in the 13th century.

Yeah, we all know better than that, don’t we?

“Expectations blown away! This is a novel that will make you rethink everything you already know.

“This novel takes on the question what if Jesus wasn’t the messiah, and what if the messiah the Jews are waiting on did come, and what if it all went terribly wrong.”

The novel is about as well written as you’d expect, which is to say poorly. But according to Day, that’s not what this Kickstarter is about. It’s about the game that the Kickstarter doesn’t show to any degree.

The page is paragraphs of text describing not even an idea of a game, but rather “cool” ideas the developer is seemingly having as he writes it. But it starts with what the $5,000 funding goal is for.

“I need a nice computer to load a game engine on, and the rest will be for in-game assets/3d models. My current system cannot run it. (windows vista, vaio) If I go way over in funds. (say I get lucky) I will invest in more computers and get a team of devs. If not, I will grind this out myself.”

I’m not sure what computer and 3D models Mr. Day thinks he can get for only $5,000 and still have enough for everything else you need to make a game with. How he’s going to afford a team of developers is beyond any form of reasoning.

“From there, he goes on to list some ideas that may or may not be in the game, and what it may or may not play like.

How I imagine my game running. Okay, So for those who have played the game FarCry, the storyline will be told in a very similar way. You will be in an open sandbox FPS. The storyline only progresses if you choose to continue the missions. If you want to take a break from the missions/storyline you can. Unlike Farcry, The storyline is only the side story of the game. Meaning, it’s awesome, and you will enjoy it, but It’s not at all imperative to game play.”

From there on the idea becomes… interesting, shall we say. He describes a King of the Hill type online game where players will have to slowly climb a mountain and sit on top of a throne. The first person who sits on the thrown will have 24 hours with the thrown, at which point people can try and fight them for it. During those 24 hours, the person on the thrown can set up traps, while the attackers twiddle their thumbs or something, that part isn’t mentioned.

But don’t worry, this “creates very interesting gameplay” since only one person can capture the throne.

You may be asking yourself what any of that has to do with the massively hyped story. Nothing at all, according to the page. The story of the game is only a “side story,” which takes place on a different part of this open world map. Why is so much emphasis placed on the story, and why does that story need a book that has nothing to do with an open world FPS? To that I have no idea.

What?

I’ve dedicated far more time and effort into this than necessary. One look at the Kickstarter page and you’ll see there are no videos, no screenshots, and that little effort has been put into it. There is no game, Larry Day doesn’t even have a computer yet. If he thinks he can buy computer, an engine, assets, and hire a team of developers to make an open world game for only $5,000 then he doesn’t know what he’s doing anyway. Frankly, the Acknowledgment section from the book leaves me way more disturbed than anything else in the book or this campaign.

If it is a serious attempt at a Kickstarter, then you need a lot more than a random string of consciousness and an edgy title.