Yesterday I, like many others of you, received an email update from Armin Ibrisagic, the beautiful soul behind Goat Simulator and Sanctum 2, detailing an update for Goat Simulator coming to us on June 3rd. Why send out an email for a simple update? I mean, surely this is just some ploy, right? Oh hell no it is not. It is in fact a massive update that will effectively double the size of the game, add a ton of new mechanics, give us the rush of split-screen goat simulation, and so much more. Here’s the thing, though: Armin and I are what you’d call “besties” (I’d like to believe), and he hooked me up with a few details about that update that you can’t find anywhere else.
First off, let’s all cover what was in the email that everyone received, then we’ll talk about the super-secret stuff you can only find right here. Everyone who got the email or keeps their pulse on all goat-related news already knows that the update will feature split-screen multiplayer up to four players, so now instead of sitting alone playing Goat Simulator with a bottle of cotton candy-flavored vodka, you can gather three of your friends up and play on the same machine. While playing with your friends, you can assume control of a menagerie of new playable goats including Tornado Goat, Shopping Goat, Classy Goat, Repulsive Goat, and many more, and you can take advantage of sick wall-running, balancing on your front legs, riding bikes and skateboards, and using mind control to force humans to ride you. The update will also be just, you know, an update. Things will be optimized for better performance, a few achieveables will be added, and other enhancements that just make the core experience a more accurate representation of real goat livin’. I’ve had goats before, and Goat Simulator was pretty spot-on to begin with, but apparently, it’s getting better and better.
Now, to avoid misquoting Mr. Ibrisagic, I’ll be regaling you with an almost word-for-word representation of the email I received regarding the update. The exclusive details via Cliqist. Remember, you heard ’em here first! So, what does this new update hold beyond what was told to the masses? Well first of all, there won’t just be split-screen. Because this is Goat Simulator, “you’ll be able to race with other goats in splitscreen mode, or lick each other and make a human centipede, Goat style.” In addition to that, the new goats being added with the update aren’t just re-skins of your average goat. “Tornado Goat can wreck shit when you press R,” Armin reports, and “you’ll be able to eat mushrooms that enlarge certain parts of your body.” Aside from that, the map is more than just a new space to violate your goat friends. In fact, “The new map is gonna be pretty huge, and you’ll be able to find money at random places and buy hats with it.”
So that’s it, boys and girls, so start getting deliriously excited or this update on June 3rd. A big thanks to Armin for letting us share with him the majesty of knowing things that not everyone else knows, and for making what is possibly the strangest functional game ever even bigger. If you don’t already have Goat Simulator, you can pick it up on Steam for a cool $9.99, which is a steal for the amount of content that’s been added to the game via Steam Workshop.
Also, I asked. Sanctum 3 isn’t currently being developed. It is, however, in the hearts and minds of many gamers, and Armin has plans for it in the future.
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