Here is a list of several delicious meals you can share with your very best friends, and one you should probably avoid. Can you guess which is the one to avoid? Leave your answer in the comments. If you guess correctly, you win a free review of A Hat in Time. If not, there’s nothing I can actually do to stop you reading it, but know this: You did not earn it. You do not deserve it, and happiness shall always elude you like a beautiful butterfly that wriggles from your grasp and flies directly into the sun, the sensation of its wings turning to ash a small price to pay to escape your unworthy presence, review thief. Enjoy!:

  • This scrumptious Gruyere Cheese and Onion Bread
  • This deliciously decadent Carrot Cake
  • The bloody, severed flesh of your best friends face
  • This crispy, homemade Margarita Pizza

I know, I know. Carrot Cake is pretty obviously an abomination. Should you happen to want to feast on the skin of your closest compadre’s faces without all the hassle of legal problems, destroyed friendships, and flossing muscle fibers from between your teeth though, Normal Human Face Simulator has you covered.

All out of Bubblegum

“Challenge your friend to this local 2-player face-biting simulation! Chew their face off while they yours! No bath salt needed.”

Normal Human Face Simulator

The developer, Lingdong Huang, lists the following features on Normal Human Face Simulator‘s Itch page:

  • Fully deformable skin and muscles
  • Competitive and skill-based gameplay
  • Realistic physical and anatomical simulation
  • Stylish Low-poly procedural graphics
  • Gratifying chewing noises

Personally, just reading the sentence ‘Gratifying chewing noises’ a few times is enough for me, but you might be different. I’m not going to judge you. My judgement – along with deepest, most terrifying circle of hell – is reserved for those review thieves. Justice will be served.

Nic Reuben

Nic Reuben

Nic Reuben likes to pause games every five minutes to ponder the thematic implications of explosive barrel placement. When he's not having an existential crisis over CAPTCHA verifications that ask him to prove he's not a robot, he's reading sci-fi and fantasy short stories, watching cartoons, and mourning the writing standards in Game of Thrones.
Nic Reuben

@@nicthehumanboy

Games Words // He/Him // Rock Paper Shotgun, Eurogamer, Unwinnable, Kotaku UK, VG247, Zam, Critical Distance, Cliqist, Bloody Disgusting
RT @StrangeAnimaIs: The critically endangered chinese giant salamander is the largest amphibian in the world, growing to 1.8 metres in leng… - 2 hours ago
Nic Reuben